Where Once Was Peace

WHERE ONCE WAS PEACE

Where Once Was Peace can be downloaded to your Kindle reader via Amazon.com for $3.99. ISBN# 10-1482554771. The softcover version sells for $12.56. Or buy an autographed copy here direct from the author.

CHAPTER I

“What’re you thinking about Tam?’

Tam Alexander and Chap Hollingsworth were parked on Blue Slide Road just above the Van Duzen River. They were sitting on the hood of Tam’s ’57 Chevy, drinking beers and watching the cool green water slide silently along the grassy river banks.  It was a warm August night in 1963. Tam had been staring into space scanning the stars in the sky for several minutes.

“Tam?”

“I was thinking how much I have loved living in Fortuna and how quiet and peaceful it is out here by the river tonight.  Trouble is, I don’t feel at peace in my heart right now because Katie’s leaving me and I can’t do anything about it.”

“She still heading over to Boise State in a couple of weeks?”

“Why is she doing that? I thought we were going to stay together after high school. Now she’s leaving! Maybe for good! What if she never comes back?”

“You just have to have courage and trust God that everything will turn out all right Tam.”

“I’m not real happy with God these days.”

“I know.”

“Besides Katie leaving, look at all the other crazy, scary stuff that’s happening in the world right now. You’ve got Khrushchev telling Kennedy that Russia will bury the U.S.- the Cold War could result in nuclear Armageddon. The Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba was a colossal failure. Then we nearly got sucked into war with Cuba and Russia because of those missiles. It’s hard to be at peace with so many things like that going on.”

“Yeah, I thought sure we were going to go to war with Cuba over those missiles.”

“We very nearly did. I’m glad we were too young to be drafted.”

“We should be able to get deferments if anything like that comes up while we’re at Humboldt State shouldn’t we?”

“Hopefully. We’d have to keep our grades up of course. But Chap, I’ll tell you the truth. I don’t even know why I’m going to college. I’m all jumbled up inside. I don’t have a clue what I want to do with my life now that Katie’s leaving; everything seemed so clear before.”

 “Too bad you couldn’t have married Katie like you wanted to. You couldn’t talk her out of leaving huh?”

“No and people keep telling me, ‘If you’re meant to be together you will be.’ I hate it when they say that. And you know what Al said to me about Katie this morning when we were sighting our rifles in for deer hunting?”

“Oh man! Is it that time of year already? Can I go hunting with you guys again? I had a blast last year.”

“I’m sure you can go.”

“Would we go up to South Fork Mountain, you think?”

“Probably.”

“Great place except for the snakes.”

“Try not to step on them.”

 “Aren’t you guys sighting your guns in kinda’ early though? The season doesn’t start ‘for a couple of months yet does it?”

“Al and I just like to go shooting sometimes. It’s something we can do together. He’s a really good shot and he’s taught me a lot about handling guns. To tell you the truth though Chap, I’m not looking forward to going deer hunting this year.”

“Why not?”

“I’m worried about Al.”

“Whad’ya mean?”

“He’s been drinking again lately. I’ve smelled it on his breath. And I’m pretty sure he’s chasing around on my mom again.”

“Oh man!”

“Yeah. And when we get up to South Fork Mountain I’m pretty sure he’ll want to go drinking and dancing at the Hunter’s Roadhouse. I’m afraid of what might happen there.”

“Oh man. It’ll be okay, you’ll see. So what did Al say to you about Katie?”

“Aw, I don’t know if I want to talk about that.”

“Tam, this is me, Chap. How long we been best friends?”

“Al said Katie was so hot for me if I wanted to have sex with her it would be okay with him, but if I got her pregnant I’d have to marry her.”

“No kidding? What did you say?”

“I was shaking my head yes that I agreed, but inside I was saying, no no no! No way do I want to get Katie pregnant and make her feel like she has to marry me. I do want to marry her, like you wouldn’t believe, but only if that’s what she wants too.”

“I guess having to get married would be a lousy way to start a life together, although Joe Strekler and Heidi what’s-her-name sure seem to be doing all right.”

“No way that’s going to happen to me and Katie. Al even offered to buy me condoms if I wanted some. I couldn’t believe it.”

“Well, there’s something stepfathers are good for.  If you’ve got Al’s permission, all you need now is Katie’s. From what I’ve observed when I see the two of you together, I’m surprised to learn you haven’t had sex already. Every other couple I know is doing it.”

“That doesn’t make it right. You should know me better than that Chap.”

“And besides, you’re chicken. You, class president, stud athlete, man most likely to succeed?”

“Chap, I’m in love with Katie. I don’t want to do anything to ruin that.”

“Is she in love with you?”

“She says so.”

“But she’s running off to college out of state. You poor dumb sap. Don’t you want to do it before she leaves or before we have to go to war somewhere? Katie could find some dude in Idaho and dump you for him, worse yet, you could get killed fighting our enemies of democracy - you like that, enemies of democracy? You might never get another chance.”

“Al said that too. He said I should have sex with Katie now and make her my woman before somebody else does.”

“Whatever that meant . . .”

“He meant, I think, that if she truly loved me and had sex with me she probably wouldn’t go looking for it with someone else. Al said she wants it and if she doesn’t get it from me she’ll get it from another guy.”

“Al’s probably right. Wake up Tam.”

“I don’t think Al’s right. He thinks women are only good for one thing and that love and sex are the same thing. I don’t happen to think that And I don’t want to be like Al.”

“Tam, I love you like a brother, but sometimes you are so naive and you try way too hard to do the right thing.”

 “You think that’s wrong?”

“Your feelings for Katie are making you crazy Tam. You can’t think straight anymore. Sometimes, I think you never shoulda’ started going to church either.”

“You got me started, remember? And that’s where I met Katie. And don’t forget, I’m now the president of the church youth group.”

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt man.”

“I’m already hurt Chap!. I feel like my heart is being ripped right out of me. I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed that Katie wouldn’t leave. But graduation’s over, summer’s almost gone and in a couple more weeks, Katie will be leaving. I can’t stop her.  I feel so angry and frustrated I can’t stand it. My whole world seems to be spinning out of control and I feel totally helpless to do anything about it.”

“I know man. The future can look pretty bad.”

“I was just scanning the sky for the Little Dipper at the end of the North Star. Remember what old Mister Klister taught us in science about ancient navigators using the North Star to find their way home? If home is where the heart is my home is with Katie, but I had always thought my home would be here in Fortuna.”

“I remember Klister telling us in ancient times navigators measured the angle of the North Star at their home port before they set sail. To return home after a long voyage, they only needed to sail north or south to bring the North Star back to the angle of home port - then turn left or right and sail down the latitude, keeping the angle the same all the way.”

“Our lives are going to change Chap - they’re already changing. And there’s absolutely nothing we can do to stop it. I was thinking of a saying I must have heard somewhere, ‘This is the place where once was peace.’ Fortuna’s been a place of peace for me for a long time. That’s why I like to think of it as home. But now that Katie’s leaving I don’t know if I’ll ever be at peace here again. I had hoped I could navigate my way back to Fortuna no matter where life’s challenges took me and everything would still be the same.”

 “This is the place where once was peace. I like that. But like you say, can you really find peace of if you don’t’ have it in your heart? I’m reminded of that song we sing around Christmas time, Let There Be Peace On Earth, remember?”

“I do remember. It says we’re all brothers but peace on earth will not be achieved until it begins with me. So, I’m responsible for whether or not my life turns out to be peaceful even if Katie never comes back. You’re a wise man Chap Hollingsworth. Nice baritone too by the way. Why didn’t you ever try out for the school choir?”

“Key word - tryout. You know how nervous I get when I have to do something like that.”

“You never got nervous trying out for football?”

“Oh I was nervous all right, but that was different.”

The two young men paused in their conversation for a couple of minutes, each briefly lost in his own private thoughts. Then Tam said, “Don’t you sometimes feel like one of those poor lost lambs in the Whippenpoof Song Chap? You know the song I mean?

Tam sang a little bit of the Whippenpoof song.

Then Chap said, “Remember Pastor Jack said Sunday that we won’t know what’s going to become of us until we are shown? He said, ‘We need to have the courage to put our trust in God then we will have peace that passeth all understanding.’”

“You actually listened to his sermon?”

“Sometimes I do. Sing with me now.”

Tam joined Chap in singing the Whippenpoof song again. It never occurred to either of them that they might look totally ridiculous sitting on Tam’s car lamenting the future in suds-soaked song.

“I confess I’m feeling pretty bitter and helpless right now Chap. I’m afraid of what’s going to happen to us.”

“Baa, baa, baa,” Chap bleated, then looked at his friend and broke out laughing. “Man, you are a sorry sad sack if I ever saw one. Let’s have another beer. No, let’s have two. You’re making me depressed. Let us drown our sorrows in spirits. Or should I say let us drown our spirits in spirits?”

CHAPTER II

Tam’s uneasiness about the future had been building since Katie told him at the beginning of their senior year that she would be moving to Idaho after graduation. Tam had hoped he and Katie would stay together in Fortuna for the rest of their lives. He had no desire, like a lot of his high school classmates, to “move out of this one-horse town to see the rest of the world.”

Tam liked to travel, but he was content living in Fortuna because it was small and quiet and friendly. He’d visited big cities like San Francisco and Seattle when he and his parents went on vacations and he quickly decided he’d rather stay in Fortuna.  

“I don’t see how you could ever find a better place to live,” he argued.

The official city brochure handed out at the Chamber of Commerce boasted that Fortuna was a great place to live too. “Located seven miles from the Pacific Coast in the Eel River Valley of Humboldt County, north of San Francisco about 300 miles, Fortuna was incorporated in 1906, and because of the Eel River, has become known for its excellent agricultural climate for vegetable crops, berries and fruits, and for the fresh fish from the river. This is a wonderful place to raise your family.”

Tam agreed that Fortuna was a great place for a family. But luckily, as far as he was concerned, Fortuna had remained pretty immune to the population explosions taking place in the rest of California. The name “Fortuna” was Spanish for "fortune" and Tam felt it was his good fortune to live away from all the crowding and crime and pollution to the south; especially after he’d met Katie.

Of course, Fortuna did have its share of other problems. Commercial fishing, which had once been profitable, was falling on hard times because fish were becoming more and more scarce. The lumber industry, which had been the major engine driving the economy for many years was besieged by conservationists fighting mill owners to make them stop cutting down the majestic redwood trees in the surrounding forests. Sequoia sempervirens, the main type of redwoods in the region, could grow as high as 30-story buildings and live to be 2,500 years old, and they yielded a lot of lumber and provided a lot of jobs.

Tam felt humbled, as many other people did, whenever he stood in a redwood grove and realized that many of the big trees towering above him had been alive when the Romans ruled the world. South of Fortuna a few minutes was a 33-mile stretch of Highway 101 lovingly referred to as the Avenue of the Giants because of the spectacular stands of trees lining the road. Local legend had it that a tourist was run over by a logging truck one time because he had been laying on his back out in the road shooting a picture of the trees from the ground up.

“Guy was buried in a beautiful redwood coffin though,” the local punsters liked to joke.

As beautiful as the redwoods were, Tam felt like many other locals, that “outsiders” were too zealous in their attempts to save the redwoods.

“Don’t those people realize we don’t need to save all the redwoods?” the townspeople would say. “Save some sure, but they’re killing the lumber industry here and taking away our jobs.”

Katie’s dad had sold his small (“gypo”) logging operation and her parents had decided to escape the failing economy of Humboldt County to start a new life as potato farmers in Idaho.  Tam buried in his subconscious, as long as he could, the fact that Katie would someday be leaving Fortuna. He tried to carry on with life as if he didn’t know his world was about to crumble. But he did know.

 Graduation night Tam watched with love and pride as Katie walked up the middle aisle of Fortuna Union High School’s auditorium to take her place among the school’s graduating scholars. She looked so beautiful. She wore a special tassle on her cap to signify her standing in the honor society and Tam knew how hard she’d worked to achieve that goal. The light in her eyes and the smile on her lips told him how happy she was. He’d been hit or miss in honor society, achieving academic honors most of his junior year after he’d met Katie, and the first part of their senior year.

But once Katie had told him she’d be moving to Idaho he just seemed to lose his incentive to excel. She had waited until midway through their senior year - fortunately until football season was over - to remind him again that she would be moving to Idaho. He already had sensed a change in her, a slight shift in their relationship, but he had pushed his thoughts of impending doom away and refused to believe anything was going to be different.

Then when Katie signed his yearbook she wrote, “Isn’t it exciting that we’re about to graduate? There’s such a big world out there to explore, I’m so looking forward to where life takes us. But no matter where we end up you’ll always have a special place in my heart.”

Tam didn’t sleep much the night Katie wrote that. His sense of foreboding kept growing, but again, he failed to acknowledge totally that Katie really would be leaving, moving out of his life, extinguishing the light that burned inside him when he was with her.

His collapsing world caught up with him and couldn’t be ignored any longer one night just before graduation after they had gone to a movie. When the movie ended Tam drove to the Morgan Company sand and gravel pits down by the Eel River and parked his car between the mountainous dunes of rock and sand as he often did on their dates. Before very much time had passed Katie was stretched out on the car seat with her head in Tam’s lap.

Katie was tall, slim and athletic - one heck of a volleyball player. Tam loved to look at her long legs when she played volleyball. Many of his male classmates told him how envious they were, that she was his girlfriend, because she had such outstanding legs. He loved it when she wore shorts in the summertime and he could look at her legs and caress their tanned softness. Her hair was long and brown and she often wore it in a ponytail with a red scarf. Red was his favorite color. Katie’s eyes were deep brown. Her face was bright with intelligence and her mouth was warm and soft to his mouth. He loved her hands with their long strong fingers and he reveled in the way her hands could make such beautiful music on the piano and on her violin.  

Tam’s right hand was resting lightly on Katie’s stomach. His fingers moved ever so slightly, gently caressing her. Katie let out a gasp. Tam mistook her gasp as fear or displeasure and started to withdraw his hand, but Katie grabbed him and held his hand where it was.

“Don’t stop,” she whispered.

“I don’t want to do anything you don’t want me to do,” Tam said

“You’re not,” Katie responded breathlessly. She moaned then twisted in the seat. “What you’re doing feels so good I never want you to stop,” she said.

“I love you Katie,” Tam whispered. He buried his face in her hair and drank in the smell of her body and her perfume. His throat felt so choked with emotion, he could barely speak.

“I love you Tam,” Katie answered.

Tam bent his head to seek Katie’s lips. He kissed her tenderly and they clung to each other’s mouths as if they were exchanging the breath of life with each other. Slowly, ever so slowly, the kiss became more passionate, more probing.

The windows of Tam’s car fogged up. The theme song from Moon River, the movie they had just seen, came on the radio and filled them both with new ardor. Tam was tempted to move his hand underneath Katie’s sweater. She was looking deeply into his eyes and he sensed she wouldn’t object if he went farther, but he just didn’t feel right about it.

Tam knew several of his buddies at school had had sex with their girlfriends. But Tam was afraid to have sex with Katie because he didn’t want to lose her respect and more importantly, he didn’t want to get her pregnant. Besides, he didn’t think he could be president of the church youth group and walk around with a load of guilt about having sex with Katie before they were married.

Tam thought again about his stepfather Al saying, “That girl is so hot for you I’d go for it if I were you. Just keep in mind, if you get her pregnant, you’ll have to marry her.”

 “Do it man,” Chap had advised. “Nobody waits anymore. You’re too old fashioned.”

Tam hated the idea that Al might be right about Katie. He didn’t like it that Al recognized Katie’s sexuality, but Al was an older man and more experienced in those matters. And Chap sure didn’t help.

Tam ached to marry Katie so he could have her. But Tam’s mother and Al got married because Tam’s mother had become pregnant. Unfortunately, Tam’s mother knew Al married her out of a sense of responsibility and even though she loved him, she never had totally forgiven him for marrying her because he felt it was his duty. Then she suffered a miscarriage, a baby boy, and Al never seemed to forgive her for that.

Katie continued to look deeply into Tam’s eyes. He moved his hand very tentatively. If Katie objected in any way he was prepared to pull his hand back so fast she’d think he’d burned his fingers. But Katie did not object. She only moaned as Tam gently massaged her stomach area and kissed her. Tam became so turned on thinking of what could happen with Katie that he ached with physical desire.

“Oh God Katie,” Tam groaned.

“Tam?”

“I love you so much Katie!”

“I love you too Tam.”

 “You’re so beautiful Katie,” Tam moaned.

Katie looked into Tam’s eyes again then said, “What do you want to do?”

Tam instantly knew that Katie was offering herself to him. He wanted to make love to her. But he didn’t feel like he had that right unless they were married. He wanted to do the right thing.

“I want you so much,” he said. “I just don’t want to get you pregnant.” He told her what Al said to him and told her how Al and his mother were destroying each other because they had felt like they had to get married.

“I don’t want that to happen to us Katie,” he said.

“I don’t want that either,” Katie sighed in exasperated agreement. “But if we’re not going to go all the way we should stop next time before we get this far.”

“I love you Katie,” Tam said. “I really love you. We haven’t talked about marriage because we’re both young and plan to go to college. But . . . if everything works out I want to marry you. I don’t mind waiting. I’d hate to lose you because you didn’t respect me for not waiting.”

“We’ll wait then,” Katie said. “It’ll be hard, but we’ll wait.”

The two lovers fell silent. Tam thought it was probably just his imagination but he couldn’t help wondering if Katie had sounded disappointed. He caressed her stomach area some more and they kissed again He almost wished that he was irresponsible enough to throw caution to the wind. But he wasn’t.

Just before he was ready to drive Katie home she reminded him again about Idaho.

“I told you my parents bought some land over by Boise,” she said. “Well, they want me to move over there with them and I’ve been accepted to enroll at Boise State.”

“What are you telling me Katie?” Tam exclaimed. “You’re moving out of state and leaving me! We won’t be together anymore? I can’t stand the thought of not seeing you again.”

“I’m not leaving you Tam,” Katie said, attempting to reassure him. “I’m moving, but I still love you. I’ll write to you as often as I can, we’ll see each other again.”

“When?”

“Semester breaks, summer vacations.”

Tam’s temper, stoked by the fire of his grief and sadness and by his unsatisfied physical longing, got the best of him and he exploded.

“I don’t want to just see you during semester breaks and summer vacations!” he yelled. “I want to see you all the time. I don’t want to be away from you for a minute.”

 “College is only four years Tam. If we’re meant to be together we will be. We have to go to college.”

“I thought we were always going to be together, now you tell me this. Why can’t you stay here and go to Humboldt State with me? We could get married, rent an apartment. Other couples have done it.”

“I can’t stay here Tam. My parents are paying for my college education and they expect me to go with them. This shouldn’t be a big surprise to you. I’ve told you several times already that I would be moving. Why can’t you accept that? Besides . . .”

 “Besides what?”

“Besides, knowing the two of us, if we lived together during college, we’d never get any homework done. We’d be fooling around all the time. And college is a lot harder than high school. Why don’t you come to Idaho and go to school with me there?”

“How?”

“Get a job over there.”

“Even if I did I’d have to pay out-of-state tuition and pay for a place to live. And I can’t leave my mom alone here with Al, Katie. What if he does something stupid and get’s sent off to prison again?  Who would take care of her then?

“One thing I have to be sure of before you go Katie is, do you think you love me enough to want to marry me someday?”

“Someday, probably.”

“Probably!”

“Tam, Tam, we can’t be sure what the future holds. Maybe you’ll find some other girl after I’ve been gone awhile.”

“No way that’s going to happen.”

“As far as I know now Tam, I do want to marry you. But I’m not ready yet. We just have to be patient.”

“I hope my future holds you, Katie because that’s the future I want. I want to be able to be with you the rest of my life. You’re the only woman I’ll ever love.”

Tam became so flustered by his conversation with Katie, he forgot his car windows were fogged up and when he attempted to back out of the gravel pits his car got stuck. An hour later, seething with rage at his inability to control what was happening to him, he managed to free his car from the soft sand it had found and drove Katie home. He was so wound up he didn’t even kiss her goodnight. 

At the end of August Katie left for Idaho and Boise State. The day she left she was dressed in a white halter top and red shorts. Her skin was lightly tanned. Her hair shined in the sun. She looked incredibly . . . “edible,” was the only word Tam could think of. He held her as close as he could, pressing her body to his, caressing the soft, warm skin of her bare arms, clinging to her as if he could mold them into one being. He wanted her to stay with him so badly He already was missing her. His heart was heavy with bitterness that she was going. He felt like his whole world was crashing down around him.

When she drove away, he was thinking desperately, “Please turn around Katie, please come back here and stay with me.” But when her car reached the end of the street and turned to head out to the highway he sensed she had driven out of his life forever and anger and bitterness took root so deep in his heart he wondered if they would ever go away.

CHAPTER III

Tam and Chap joined an orientation tour of Humboldt State College in mid-September in preparation for starting classes there at the end of the month.  

“About 3,500 students are enrolled at HSC, which is the northernmost college in the California State College system,” a student volunteer guide told a group of incoming freshmen. “The school was established June 16, 1931, first as a “normal” school or teacher’s college then the curriculum soon branched out into other areas. Dominating the campus and visible for miles around, is Founder’s Hall that you see sitting up there on that knoll. The building is an imposing Spanish-influenced structure with red tile roof and white stucco siding. It was built in 1921.”

“Listen to this,” Tam whispered, reading to Chap from the official student handbook, “During WWII, because Founder's Hall was visible from the Pacific Ocean, it was painted camouflage colors so Japanese submarines could not use it as a navigational aid. An air observation post was also set up atop the art shop to watch for Japanese air strikes. The observation post was primarily staffed by wives of faculty members. The post was not removed until 1953.”

“Humph,” Chap said. “Hope they don’t have to camouflage it again someday.”

 “The college’s sports teams are named the Lumberjacks,” the student guide was telling her tour group, “and the football team plays its games in what we call the Redwood Bowl right here on campus. The football team’s defensive unit is nicknamed the Green Chain. Can anybody guess why that is?”

“It says here in the student handbook, that they’re named after the green chain in a lumber mill,” Chap said, answering the tour guide’s question. “Quote, ‘It requires physical strength, stamina and coordinated speed to pull green lumber off a conveyor belt as it comes off the lumber mills’ saws and to stack it in piles, sorting it according to the lumber grade marked on each piece of lumber,’ end quote.”

“Right,” the tour guide said. “And any one working on the green chain is deemed to be a pretty tough guy, so the football defensive unit is supposed to be pretty tough too.”

“Are they?” someone asked.

“We won our league championship last year,” the guide said proudly.

 “Humboldt has the first state college radio station in California too,” Chap whispered to Tam. “KHSC was established In 1960. I hear they play some pretty cool jazz. Maybe I’ll volunteer to be a part-time dee-jay.”

“Play me some a’ that cool saxy jazz music Chappi man,” Tam laughed.

Neither Tam nor Chap had declared a major by the time classes actually started at HSC. But they didn’t have to and they preferred to get their required courses out of the way first. Tam thought he might be interested in the college’s renowned forestry and natural resources management program and might take up studies to become a forest manager.

“I’m leaning more toward botany and enrolling in the fisheries management program,” Chap said. “The university's location in the redwoods, with easy access to the Pacific Ocean, provides great opportunities for "hands-on" experiences and research. The only other place you can find such access to the ocean at a college is down at Cal Poly in San Luis Obispo.”

On a Friday afternoon near the end of October, Tam’s car refused to start after a long day parked on campus. Since he had to be at work Saturday morning, he decided to ride a bus home and see if he could talk Al into coming back to Arcata with him later to get the car going. He walked to downtown Arcata to catch the Greyhound bus.

Tam knew the town of Arcata, originally founded as Union Town or Union, was renamed in1860, when a post office was opened there. He didn’t know the reason for the name change.

Arcata was a classic example of a traditional college town. An area called the Plaza was the heart of the town. In the 1850s the Plaza was where goods destined for the Trinity County mines (to the north) were loaded onto mule trains. The Plaza had a green lawn, extensive flower plantings, and at its center a statue of President McKinley. Tam wondered why the Plaza didn’t have a cannon like a lot of other towns. The Plaza was surrounded by stores, bars, coffee shops, restaurants, and live music venues. The Plaza also was a popular rendezvous point for travelers who stopped off in Arcata.

The town featured a large number of original Victorian structures, many of which were being restored. One of those structures, the Jacoby Building, commonly known as Jacoby's Storehouse, on the south side of the Plaza , was one of Humboldt County's oldest commercial buildings (the first floor dated from 1857). Tam decided to wait in front of the Jacoby Building for the bus.

After a few minutes of waiting, Tam noticed a jewelry store on one side of the Jacoby Building. He wandered next door to look in the jewelry store window. The first thing he saw was a display of diamond engagement and wedding rings. He started daydreaming of buying Katie an engagement ring. He picked one out that was simple in design with a large stone.

“Wonder how many carats that one is?” he thought. “I imagine Katie would like the round one. It sure sparkles in the light. I could get her square-cut diamond or that other shape - what do they call that? A marquis cut or something. I don’t know. I think just the plain round one would be good. I wonder if she’d prefer a gold or silver band?”

Tam was tempted to enter the store and ask a clerk to show him the ring he liked and to ask how much it cost, but he held back. It would be so cool though if he could buy a ring like that and surprise Katie with it when he saw her again. He daydreamed about how he would ask her to marry him. Maybe he’d take her to a dance and after they had danced for awhile, he’d drop down on one knee, right in the middle of the floor, tell her he had asked her father for permission, and say, “Katie, I love you so much, will you marry me?” Or maybe he could think up something more original and romantic. Maybe a moonlit night at the beach would be best. He’d have to work on his pitch and the location where he’d make it.

When the bus arrived the driver honked. Tam broke off daydreaming and boarded the bus. Not very many people were riding the bus at that point. When it arrived in Eureka, several people got on, including two St. Bernard’s High School girls. St. Bernard’s was the Roman Catholic high school in Humboldt County. The girls were dressed in their school uniforms of white blouse, plaid skirt and black and white saddle oxford shoes. They sat across the aisle from Tam. They were content to chat with each other for a few minutes then the girl sitting on the aisle seat nearest to Tam looked over at him and said hi.

“Are you going to Fortuna?” the girl asked. She was kind of pasty white and fairly tall, slightly chubby and had shocking red hair.

“I am,” Tam answered politely.

“We ride this bus everyday and we’ve never seen you before,” the redhead girl said. She looked at her friend seated next to the window and giggled.

“This is my first time riding the bus,” Tam said. “I live in Fortuna and attend Humboldt State but my car wouldn’t start after class today. I have to be at work in Fortuna early tomorrow morning so I’m riding the bus home and hoping my stepfather can bring me back up to campus tomorrow night and help me get my car started.”

“Oh. Sorry to hear about your car.”

“Well, it’s an old car and it’s got a lot of miles on it.”

“We go to St. Bernard’s and we ride the bus every day,” the redhead girl said.

“So you said. I figured you went to St. Bernard’s by the way you’re dressed,” Tam said. “Do you like it there?

“We love it. We’re seniors. We graduate this year.”

“Then what will you do?”

“Go to college, of course. I’m going to the University of California at Berkeley. Marlene here is going to become a nun or go to Humboldt.”

“Oh, well, maybe I’ll see you at Humboldt sometime then,” Tam said, looking around the redhead at the girl named Marlene, “If you don’t get thee to a nunnery.”

The two girls giggled at Tam’s joke.

Marlene appeared to be more petite than tall. She was blonde and blue-eyed and had kind of a pixie smile on a pretty, intelligent face. She was carrying several text books on her lap so Tam deduced she must be somewhat studious. When she saw Tam looking at her books she joked, “I’m just carrying all these so people will think I’m smart.”

“She is smart,” the redhead said. “Straight A’s all the way through high school.”

“I try to make the sisters proud,” Marlene joked again.

Tam liked Marlene’s dry sense of humor. He figured she didn’t take herself too seriously and he liked that. He chatted with the girls until the bus reached its stop in Fortuna, learning during the ride that the redhead’s name was Laura and that Marlene lived with her grandparents. When Tam and the girls exited the bus, Tam could see that an older woman in a Buick was waiting to pick Marlene up.

“Maybe we’ll see you on the bus again sometime,” the redhead said.

“Maybe,” Tam said. He looked at Marlene thinking he would enjoy running into her again. She shot him a shy grin that he interpreted to mean she wouldn’t mind that either. “Too bad she might become a nun,” he thought.

Coincidentally, Saturday afternoon about closing time, Chap stopped by Sommer’s Supermarket where Tam worked, to suggest that the two guys do something together that evening.

“What did you have in mind?” Tam asked.

“There’s a CYO Fall Harvest Dance - they don’t call them Halloween Dances anymore - at Veteran’s Memorial Hall,” how about we check that out?”

“CYO? What’s that, Catholic Youth Organization or something?”

“Yep. I hear those dances are pretty well attended by the girls who go to Saint Bernard’s High School up in Eureka. We’re talking out-of-town girls buddy boy; girls who’ve never heard of us before.”

“I met a couple of those girls on the bus today.”

“The bus? What were you doing on the bus?”

“My car wouldn’t start after class and since I had to be here at work early today, I decided to ride the bus home. I was hoping Al could go back up to campus with me tonight and get my car started but he and my mom had something planned, so we’ll get my car tomorrow.”

“So you currently have no plans for tonight then?”

“No, but I don’t know about going to a dance Chap. I miss Katie. I’m not too excited about meeting other girls right now. And by the way, where were you when classes ended today? You could have given me a ride home.”

“I bugged out early. My last class ended at noon. I knew you had a later class so I didn’t seek you out to ask you if you needed a ride. Besides, you don’t usually need a ride.”

“No biggee. Why do a bunch of girls come down here from Eureka just to attend a dance though? What’s the deal with that?”

“You know how girls like to dance. I was told this is like some kind of exchange dance between Eureka and Fortuna. Sometimes girls from the Fortuna Catholic church go up there, sometimes the Eureka girls come down here. A lot of Fortuna girls, Catholic girls, attend St. Bernard’s and they apparently talked the Eureka contingent into coming down here this time. We should go. It might be fun.”

“I don’t know Chap.”

“Come on. I’m driving. You need to get out. And I need you to chaperone me.”

Tam laughed at Chap’s outrageous excuse. As far back as Tam could remember Chap had come up with lame excuses why the two of them should do something. Chap was like a big enthusiastic dog, always ready for adventure, always ready to chase a ball, so to speak. He stood five-foot-eleven, a couple inches shorter than Tam, had big hands, big feet, big brown eyes, and unruly blonde hair. His nose had been broken once in football and once in basketball so it had a noticeable little crook in it. At 200 pounds Chap was just 15 pounds heavier than Tam but Tam’s weight was spread out over more height, thus he was more lithe looking  And Tam was dark haired, blue-eyed, darker-skinned and generally more serious than Chap. They looked sort of like a big happy golden retriever and a sleek black lab together.

To Chap’s credit, Tam almost always had fun when they did something together. They had been best friends since late grade school and Tam couldn’t imagine that Chap might not be around forever.

 “Chaperone you, huh!” he said to his friend. “Since when do you want me to chaperone you? You need a jailer more than a chaperone.”

“Funny. Come on! You’ll probably have a good time in spite of yourself.”

“I probably won’t, but okay. I want to go by the house and take a shower and change my clothes first. I worked pretty hard today. We received a truckload of freight, plus a truckload of watermelons, and all that stuff had to be unloaded. Those watermelons were pretty darned dirty.”

“It was a nice quiet day at the hardware store,” Chap said.

“You know, I think you’re right where you belong with all those nuts and bolts,” Tam teased.

“You’re just jealous that I have a cushy job and you don’t.”

Tam and Chap drove in Chap’s Corvair to Tam’s house where Tam cleaned up and changed his clothes, exchanging dirty blue jeans and shirt for clean blue jeans and shirt.  

“I still think the way this thing is built you ought to be able to drive it from either end,” Tam said when he hopped back into Chap’s car. “When are you going to get a real car?”

“My grandparents gave this little hupmobile to me,” Chap said. “The price was right so I didn’t look the gift horses in their mouths. It gets me where I want to go.”

“I gotcha. At least you didn’t get stuck with an Edsel.”

“Hey, Edsels have nice big back seats. I hear they’re pretty great at drive-in movies.”

I’m hungry, let’s get something to eat.”

“We can stop at Bonnie’s Drive-In and get a burger and fries on our way,” Chap suggested.

Bonnie’s had once been the only drive-in eatery in Fortuna. Located on Main Street only a couple of blocks from Fortuna High School it was a favorite hangout of students, but most of the town’s adults ate there when they wanted a hamburger, fries and shake too. The building was shaped sort of like a fat finger, square at the back end and rounded at the end that fronted the street. The parking lot was partially covered because Bonnie’s had been a drive -in for several years. The speakers to order food had been removed from the poles holding up the parking lot cover, but otherwise Bonnie’s still looked considerably like a drive-in. A lot of people, high school students especially, preferred to pick their orders up and sit in their cars while eating. Actually, most of the time they stood around in the parking area, eating off the hoods of their cars and yakking with each other.

Chap and Tam stopped at Bonnie’s long enough to eat. Since they already had graduated from high school, they didn’t run into anybody they knew.

“Not like the old days anymore,” Chap said.

“Yeah, the old days of last year,” Tam laughed. “Unfortunately, it will never be like the old days again either,” he sighed.

“Now don’t get all down in the dumps on me again,” Chap scolded. “We’re going to have fun tonight.” 

Their conversation sobered up and soon they arrived at Veteran’s Memorial Hall where the dance was being held. Inside, Tam and Chap paid the fifty-cent entry fee and reconnoitered the crowd. There appeared to be a lot more girls than guys.

“Looks like we get our pick of the litter,” Chap said gleefully.

“I don’t feel much like dancing,” Tam objected again.

Just then Chap spotted a girl he knew over on the far side of the dance floor, “Hey, there’s Laura McKinley,” he said, pointing to the tall redhead girl who had ridden the bus with Tam the previous afternoon. 

 “You remember her? She was in eighth grade with us?”

“She rode the bus with me yesterday, but I didn’t remember her from grade school. She told me she goes to St. Bernard’s now so I guess she didn’t go to Fortuna High with us?”

“No. She does go to Saint Bernard’s. She’s Catholic. I guess that’s why she’s here.”

As Tam and Chap approached Laura McKinley Tam noticed that a girl standing next to her was the other girl from the bus.

“I’ll be darned,” he muttered.

“What’s that?” Chap asked.

“The girl standing next to Laura is the other one I met on the bus yesterday. Remember, I told you about her? I really enjoyed talking to her.”

“She’s cute.”

“Yeah, she is.”

Chap called out to Laura, and Laura, dancing on her tiptoes with the excitement of the evening, greeted him enthusiastically

“This is my friend Marlene Maxwell Laura announced, introducing the other girl. “Marlene, this is Chap and his friend Tam. You remember Tam from yesterday? I attended elementary school with these two guys.”

“Did you get your car back?” Marlene asked.

“Naw. I couldn’t go up there today. I’ll get it tomorrow. What a coincidence running into you again so soon.”

“Must be kismet,” Marlene said.

Chap and Laura decided to dance so Tam danced a couple of times with Marlene. He couldn’t believe how good it felt to hold a girl in his arms again. He had been aching to hold Katie.

Marlene was lithe and pliable and light on her feet. Her blonde hair felt soft and smelled good against Tam’s face. Her hand in his hand felt small and soft, but he felt strength in it too. His other hand rested lightly on the small of her back. She was quite a bit shorter than him and he had to bend over some to dance with her, but he was enjoying himself in spite of not wanting to. He struggled not to flashback to the times he’d danced with Katie. He did not want to go there.

Tam and Marlene glided around the dance floor not saying much to each other. During their second dance together, however, Tam lost some of his nervousness and became more aware of Marlene’s body brushing against his. He immediately began to feel guilty and asked Marlene if she’d like to go out on the hall porch for some fresh air. Fortunately, Marlene said she would..

“What a beautiful fall night,” Marlene said once they were seated on a wicker bench on the porch.  

“It is beautiful,” Tam agreed. “I love Fortuna. It’s such a great town, so quiet and peaceful.”

“I hope it will always be this way.”

“Me too. But it probably won’t. There’s so much upheaval in the world right now. It looks like this Vietnam thing could blow up on us any day. President Kennedy has sent a lot of advisers over there now that the French have left, but I can’t see any good reason for us to be there. We’re not going to stop the communists from taking over and we could just get sucked into another Korea if we’re not careful.”

“Sounds like you’re a student of history.”

“I try to pay attention to things going on. Say, there’s the little dipper and the North Star.”

Tam pointed out the constellation and the bright star on the tail end of it.

“My high school astronomy teacher Mr. Klister showed us how to find the North Star or northern pole star (it’s also known as Polaris) at the end of the handle of the Little Dipper. Mr Klister told us, “When you are facing Polaris you are always facing north, and between the Equator and the North Pole, the angle of the star above the horizon is a direct measure of the degree of latitude.

“In ancient times,” Mr. Klister told us, “navigators measured the angle of Polaris at their home port before they set sail. To return home after a long voyage, they only needed to sail north or south to bring the North Star back to the angle of home port - then turn left or right and sail down the latitude, keeping the angle the same all the way.”

“Interesting. You like science too.”

“Well, if I’m ever lost I intend to test out the theory of finding my way back to Fortuna by the North Star.”

“You don’t strike me as a person who would get lost easily,” Marlene said.

“You never know. Chap and I are going deer hunting with my stepfather next month and if I get lost in the woods I’ll look for the North Star.”

“Do you like to go deer hunting?” Marlene asked.

Tam wondered briefly if there was a wrong answer to that question. Maybe Marlene wouldn’t like him for going out in the woods and shooting at poor Bambi.

“I do like deer hunting,” he admitted. He didn’t know this girl and didn’t know if he’d ever see her again, so he figured he might as well be honest “I like being out in the woods and it’s something Al, my stepfather and I, can share together.”

“My father used to deer hunt,” Marlene said. “I helped him skin a deer one time.”

“Skinning a deer out is a tough job,” Tam said, sighing inwardly that Marlene apparently bore no ill will toward hunters.

“I was going to go hunting with my father but he . . . he died before he could take me.”

“I’m sorry. Do you miss your father a lot?”

“I do. I was only 11 when he was killed so I don’t feel like I got to spend nearly enough time with him. My mother never remarried and a few years later she died; I think of a broken heart. I took their deaths pretty hard for a long, long time.”

“I’m lucky I haven’t had anybody close to me die. Well, that’s not true, my real father died when I was just a baby but I have no memory of him”

“Your stepfather . . . ?”

“Al.”

“Al, is he pretty good to you?”

Tam thought for a minute before answering Marlene’s question.

“You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to,” she said, sensing his hesitancy.

“He’s been pretty good to me,” Tam said. He wasn’t about to tell Marlene that Al had spent a year in prison for a sex crime.

“Al used to drink and he chased around a lot the first few years he and my mom were married - up until I was about 11. Then he managed to turn his life around for quite awhile.”

“How wonderful. I’ve often wondered what it would be like to have a stepfather.”

“I guess if I had my choice, I wouldn’t have one,” Tam said cautiously. “I think he’s been backsliding lately.”

“Oh no.”

“Yeah. ‘fraid so.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Change of subject,” Tam said. “You’re going to attend Humboldt State if you don’t become a nun, huh?”

“I am going to Humboldt. I seriously considered becoming a nun for awhile, mainly because my grandparents wanted me to and the sisters at St. Bernard’s are always pushing the girls to become nuns, but I’ve pretty much decided that isn’t what I really want to do.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

“Don’t you think I would make a good nun?”

“Well, sure . . . Sorry. It’s just that you’re so pretty and everything, it seems like it would be a big waste. But I have no right to say that. Please forgive me.”

“I’m just teasing you. I could go to college and still become a nun.”

“So what has made you think you don’t want to become a nun?”

“I’d like to get married someday and have a family - God willing of course. When my mother and father died, my sister Olivia, who’s a couple of years younger than me, and I were split up. She lives with my aunt and uncle in Sacramento and I’ve longed to be part of a family again. So, I want to have one of my own. But God may have different plans for me. I’ll just have to wait a bit and see.”

“Hopefully, nothing bad would happen to your family if you did have one.”

“Hopefully. God’s in charge. My desire is to meet a nice guy and have a family with him and live a peaceful and purposeful life.”

“You’ll make a good wife I think.”

“Thank you. Wanna’ marry me?”

“Wha . . .?”

Marlene laughed heartily.

“I’m kidding. But you should have seen the look on your face.”

“You totally caught me off guard with that.”

“People often say I’m too blunt and direct. It’s a character flaw I guess. I probably picked that up from my dad. He had a way of drilling people with direct questions and I admit I like getting reactions out of people - sometimes just to check out their comfort zones.”

“Hope I passed muster okay.”

“You did fine. I sense that you’re a pretty nice guy Tam, and Laura seemed to think so too. And you dance so-o-o divinely,” she said, suddenly sliding into a vampy voice and posture.

Tam busted up laughing. “Thanks kindly ma’am,” he said, doing his best to imitate a cowboy demeanor, “I think you’re a pretty nice little gal yourself.”

“I do have one serious question though Tam.”

“What’s that?”

“Well . . .”

“Go ahead, what is it?”

“I have no right to ask. We just met and you hardly know me, so say no if you want to, but you do seem nice and I wonder . . . would you at least consider . . . taking me to my graduation dance next year if we’re both still around? I don’t know very many guys and I’m not crazy about the boys at school and well . . . I just wonder.”

“Gosh, I’m flattered Marlene. It would have to be just as friends because to be honest with you, I have a girlfriend - she’s at Boise State right now.”

“Just friends is fine. You would really be doing me a favor. My grandparents have discouraged me from dating but I don’t want to miss going to my graduation dance. It might be my only chance to do something like that.”

Tam couldn’t believe what he said next, but he missed being with a girl so badly he couldn’t help himself.  

“I’d be honored Marlene. Just let me know when I need to show up. But don’t expect me to marry you.”

“I won’t, I promise,” she giggled.

Soon the evening was over and Tam nearly forgot his promise to take Marlene to her graduation dance. He didn’t see her for several more weeks.